Hunters' Rhapsody
- Related Event: The Accursed Archives/March 2019
- Release Date: March 12, 2019
- Featured Characters: Luca, Sarisse, Eleonora, Irfan, Cleo, Hawk
Dialogue
Luca: Raaagh!
Sarisse: Haaah!
Eleonora: Well done, both of you. Most impressive. Even back in my village, there weren't many with skills like yours.
Sarisse: Hee hee! Aw, shucks.
Luca: Well, our target IS standin' still.
Sarisse: Yeah, we usually aim at moving stuff.
Eleonora: A fair point—nothing improves your skills faster than experience in the field. ...Heh. That brings back memories of a childhood spent hunting in the mountains.
Luca: You can't beat a sylvan when it comes to hunting.
Irfan: That sounds like a challenge! We humans are also pretty skilled when it comes to hunting, you know.
Eleonora: But you're a mercenary, Irfan. Not a hunter.
Irfan: I'm just like you, Eleonora. For reasons I won't get into here, I also spent my childhood on the hunt.
???: Luca? Sarisse? Where are you?
Cleo: Ah, there you two are. Oh, I see you have company. All the better, in point of fact. Might I ask all of you a favor?
Sarisse: Sure thing! Whatcha need?
Cleo: Our stockpile of meat has run dry, so I was hoping I could ask you to—
Irfan: Go hunting? Consider it done!
Luca: I'll bring you the catch of the century!
Irfan: Now THIS sounds like a contest! What say we compete to see who can bring home the best catch?
Luca: Oh, you're on, pal!
Cleo: Wait, no! This isn't what I—
Sarisse: I'm not gonna be beaten either. Let's do this thing!
Eleonora: A hunting battle? That takes me back. You're all on!
Cleo: Not the pair of you, too! Tsk. I wish they would have at least let me finish...
???: Perhaps I can be of assistance.
Cleo: Ah!
Cleo: Welcome back, everyone. I'm glad to see you are all unharmed and... Um... Er, where is Eleonora?
Together: ......
Cleo: All right, what happened?
Luca: She was good, that one.
Irfan: She'll be missed for sure.
Sarisse: Guys, knock it off! Cleo's gonna think she keeled over or something.
Cleo: Sarisse, maybe YOU can tell me what's going on here.
Sarisse: See, Eleonora, she... Umm... Well, she went nuts.
Luca: She heard rumors about a giant beast deep in the forest and went chargin' after it like a crazy person.
Irfan: I think it's best if we all forget about her and move on.
Cleo: I...see.
Luca: Yeah, it's all very sad or whatever. But now let's look at what I caught!
Sarisse: No, me! Look at mine first, Cleo!
Cleo: You've both caught a fine deer.
Luca: Yeah, but mine's bigger, so I win.
Sarisse: No way! Mine looks way firmer and tastier! Yours is all sick and, like, blaaaaaargh.
Irfan: Pffft... Aaaah ha ha ha!
Sarisse: What are YOU laughing about?!
Irfan: I just can't believe how proud you both seem of your pathetic catches. You really don't know the first thing about hunting, do you?
Luca: Your catch better be REALLY first-rate to be flappin' your gums like that, pal!
Irfan: Oh, it is. Get a load of THIS!
Sarisse: That's just...a deer.
Irfan: That's because you don't know what you're looking for. This sleek coat will fetch a king's ransom on the open market! You can eat it OR you can sell it. This is what hunting is REALLY about! No surprise you wouldn't think that way, since you're clearly not into economics.
Sarisse: We know all ABOUT ergonomics! Don't we, Luca?
Luca: Oh, sure. That's what bats use to see where they're going.
Irfan: Pffft. I'll take my victory trophy now.
Cleo: Well, I hate to spoil all of this...fun, but what I actually asked for is—
???: My apologies for the wait.
Cleo: Oh, Hawk! How nice to see you.
Hawk: I procured the meat you asked for. Please ensure it is of a high quality.
Sarisse: Hey! You just went into town and BOUGHT this!
Luca: Is that bow of yours for show, Hawk? I thought you were a hunter like us!
Hawk: Are your ears for show? Did you not think to let Cleo finish making her request? Understanding what your client wants is the most basic part of a successful job.
Cleo: Hawk is correct. All I wanted you to do is buy meat in the village, but you went hunting instead.
Together: BUY IT?!
Irfan: Well, that's just shameful. Can't believe I jumped to conclusions like that.
Hawk: Still, you've gathered some fine meat and proved your skill as hunters.
Cleo: I agree. Tonight is going to be quite the banquet indeed.
Luca: Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about. Tonight we feast!
Irfan: I guess we're all winners this time.
Sarisse: First prize goes to everybody! Hmm. I feel like we're forgetting something here...
Eleonora: These footprints are huge—they must belong to the master of the forest! ...Hmm. Come to think of it, what am I hunting him for, anyway? ...Well, who cares about the details when I'm having such a good time? Watch out, beast! Here I come!
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